A Nigerian wife and mother who prefers to remain anonymous, has shared her rape experience and the trauma she had passed through all this while.
I created this new profile to tell my story because it’s heart breaking to read ignorant people make light of rape and some going as far as blaming the victims for what they experienced.
The men who downplay rape are perhaps into the same act and the women who join them are very ignorant. There are real lives shattered,we are real people
Here is my story.
One evening many years ago,I had just graduated from secondary school and waiting to get into the university,my parents had traveled to the village and asked me to collect my baby sister’s school uniform from the tailor at a nearby market.
The market was about a mile from home but a distance I had walked a few times so I set off on foot to the market. As I arrived and about to go in I heard someone called my name,I turned around and saw our former neighbor’s son who at this time I believe was a youth corper. He was on the passenger seat of a VW beetle driven by another man whose name I later came to find out was Coker.
The neighbor Charles asked me to help them buy some beef from the market and handed me some money.
I collected my sister’s clothes,got the meat and came out to meet them at the same spot.They thanked me and Charles said I should come in and they would drop me at my house and being that our families knew each other well,without fear I got into the back seat of the VW.
They headed in another direction and he said they would just drop off the meat,pick up something and then take me home.
Just a little background. Charles’ younger brother was a class my senior in primary school and he (the younger brother) who was a year older than me was fond of me and would fight and beat up any boy that bothered in primary school and his mother joked that this younger brother would marry me someday lol .His dad worked for a local brewery and he had a sister my junior who was also my namesake. We were next door neighbors for many years until they moved to the GRA after their dad became top management at the brewery. We would still see them in town from time to time and I remember 2 occasions my mom and i drove to their place. So I had no reason not to trust them.
So on this day they drove to a building where I suppose Coker lived,it was now getting dark and Charles asked me to come upstairs to the flat with them instead of staying downstairs and waiting and I did.
As soon as we got upstairs,Coker disappeared perhaps to another room.
The sitting room was bare and there was a bedroom to the left with chairs,a center table and a bed.Charles led the way,asked me to sit so Coker could do a few things and they drop me off and innocently I sat on the chair and all of a sudden Charles closed the door,leaned towards me and started to handle me.
I was saying no,no,leave me alone and pushing off his hands and immediately he used his hand and covered my mouth .pulled me off the chair with one hand and threw me on the bed.He was a big guy in size and I was no match.
I was struggling and kicking my legs to get him off he straddled me,pinning me in the bed,I couldn’t move,and with one hand,took of his belt,dropped his trousers and underwear then took off my underwear and raped me.
I fought ,I kicked I was no match and I stopped and just cried as this monster had his way and violated me in the most gruesome manner
For years the words I remember him saying as he forced his way in in “let me in” haunted me severely.
This was before mobile phones.I was so scared,I thought his friend Coker was also going to come,He gave me a towel and told me to go clean up myself in the bathroom and I ran in there,scared,crying and cleaned myself and came out.He took me home,dropped me in front of my parents house and as soon as I came in the first person I saw was my cousin and I told her what just happened to me.When my parents came back I told my mom.
Mom was very upset but never confronted Charles or his parents I guess because of the stigma in our society.anow as a grown woman I wish she did.
Then came my years of emotional torture
For years I wished Charles would die a violent death.I hated him,I hated myself,I became depressed,I would cry very often sometimes cry myself to sleep.I had nightmares.I was a nervous wreck.
I got into the campus ,joined the Christian fellowship on campus and still couldn’t find rest for my aching soul. I dated a few people but i was not into them.Right after graduation I met and married a wonderful Christian man. Little did he know what he got himself into
I loved him but I couldn’t enjoy sex,I just couldn’t,I would have flashbacks,it was not pleasurable at all
To me sex was something men took from women so I would just lay there and sometimes right after lovemaking with my husband I would run into the bathroom and just cry silently.
My husband knew my history and was patient for the most part but many times he was also frustrated because I just wouldn’t want him to touch me.
I eventually got better by the grace of God and began to move past it and healed mostly but a part of me wanted to confront this man so bad
Everytime I read about a rape victim,the whole emotions will come up again, at this time I didn’t cry anymore but I needed to say something to him.
15 years went by ,successful in my career with children doing well then one day I decided to look for this man Charles online.I was tired and needed to put a closure to this residual pain and the only way was to find him and tell him he couldn’t destroy me.
I typed his name and last name on the search engine and out came an old soccer yahoo group with his name (first name and last name)and a yahoo email address.
I immediately set up a fake email address and sent him an email pretending to be a childhood friend of his from our town,I asked about his parents and siblings mentioning them by name. He responded,so excited to hear from me. I had read from the yahoo group exchanges that he lived in London so I told him I lived in Aberdeen. He wrote back this time giving me his mobile number,his home number and his office number.
I told my husband what I was about to do and he asked me not to but I didn’t listen,I needed to do this for me.
i needed this closure for me
I called him and told him who was speaking to him and he was excited and started asking about my siblings and parents and I went right into the incident that happened,describing it in details and telling him he couldn’t destroy me. Told him I was happily married with a family of my own and that he had robbed me for many years by his act but that God was on my side.
At this time he became defensive,he said I was mistaken,said it wasn’t him that did it probably I was mixing him up with Coker.At this point I got very angry and cursed him out and he hung up the phone.
I logged into the email and gave him a piece of my mind in a long email.
Everything I had wanted to tell him at 17 and all the years of torture,I said that day,a grown woman.Most importantly I told him he was a monster that needed to ask God for forgiveness or his life would be torture from the day we spoke.
He responded to say he has informed his solicitors and his wife that someone was making false allegations of rape. I didn’t bother responding,I had unburdened my heavy heart and a load had been lifted off my shoulders.
Rape is very common in our society.There is a chance many females and some males reading me are victims and many of the men reading are also rapists.
If you are a victim and suffering in silence,please free yourself.I wish everyone could have the opportunity I had to give the rapist a piece of my mind.It is so freeing.The man had the nerve to ask me for FB friendship shortly after,of course I declined.
I am happy,I am free,he has no hold on me and my prayer is that Busola will get to where I am someday.I know she will.God will help her get there.